I started the month by coaching one of my senior women clients, we had a great session. She was very keen to tell me how she had finally realised that she had every right to be in her new, bigger role because she was good at it not because she was just lucky.
A few sessions earlier we had talked about imposter syndrome – a topic that often comes up when I coach women.
I explained it like this – it’s the fear that we’re not really as good at our jobs as everybody says we are, the fear of being found out, doubting yourself, feeling like a fraud – that you are not really good enough to be doing what you are doing. Both men and women suffer from it but women tend to suffer more and can be more constrained by it.
It can result in us underselling ourselves and not taking on new opportunities. I clearly remember some years ago having a conversation with a close friend, we were talking about our jobs (both of us had successful careers in multi-national businesses) and she said ‘but one day they will find me out won’t they’ and I was amazed because I felt the same way. Later I discovered that this was imposter syndrome!
And it’s not just us normal folks who suffer from it, Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook wrote about feeling like a fraud in her book Lean In (a recommended read by the way). Meryl Streep gets “cold feet” before every new project she once told a reporter, “I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?”. We are in good company.
Here are few tips to help you get over that feeling –
- Recognise when it’s happening to you and be reassured we all feel like this sometimes
- Take a moment to remind yourself of your strengths
- Recognise your achievements – think back over the years and list them all out
- Ask yourself ‘Was it really luck that got me here?’ ‘What did I do?’
- Talk to a friend about it, see what she thinks
- Get a mentor – a sounding board and advisor, people are flattered to be asked and want to help
- Focus on the task in hand, it gives you less time to think about being found out!
Imposter syndrome is just one of the many topics that come up as I’m working with my clients. What’s on your mind? Would an impartial, sounding board help you? Contact me today.