Do you keep your head down and work hard in the hope that someone will notice what a great job you are doing and reward you for it?
This is Tiara Syndrome, a term devised by Carol Frohlinger and Deborah Kolb, the founders of Negotiating Women Inc. If we work hard someone will come along and put a tiara on our head i.e. reward us. As women we tend not to put ourselves forward in the way men do – we wait to be recognised, we believe hard work will get us noticed. In our culture many girls are taught, often unconsciously, that nice girls don’t ask, that we should be modest, we feel that we shouldn’t be ‘blowing our own trumpet’, however in the workplace this can get in our way.
As Sheryl Sandberg writes in Lean In “Women are also more reluctant to apply for promotions even when deserved, often believing that good job performance will naturally lead to rewards”. Just as at school where girls’ conscientiousness often leads to higher academic results than achieved by boys, many women believe that this same strategy will lead to success at work – unfortunately it doesn’t.
If you suffer from Tiara Syndrome try these tips –
1. Think visibility rather than self-promotion:
- who needs to know about the work you’re doing? Make your work visible to others
- tell the whole truth – credit yourself as well as others
- don’t rationalise away your accomplishments – accept compliments – you weren’t lucky, you worked hard; remind yourself of your achievements and you are more likely to mention them to others
- make your work and ideas available to those who can utilise them, it helps to focus on service – how you can help others by sharing your work?
2. Make your presence felt –
- Use your body – develop strong body language and use it, for instance when entering the room, starting a meeting, be purposeful. Have a look at the work of Amy Cuddy for more on this.
- Use your voice to maximum effect
- listen to how you sound
- practice how you want to sound
- notice your speech habits
- slow down, lower your voice
3. Ask! If you don’t ask you don’t get – it seems obvious but often we don’t ask for what we want. This starts with knowing what you want, preparing to ask (a key step that will be covered in a future blog), then taking your courage in both hands to just do it.
4. Put yourself forward for high profile work – this takes courage and getting out of your comfort zone.
5. Develop and use your network – who are your advocates and sponsors? How can they help you? Who needs to know what you have done and what you can do.
So, beware of Tiara Syndrome – be courageous and believe in yourself!
You can read more of my musings on women and our self-development by clicking here and I’m always happy to chat with anyone about the work I do to help more women become senior leaders, so do get in touch.
Lisa
#womenleaders #tiarasyndrome #womensdevelopment
Photo by Mariana Yarritu on Unsplash