Are you perfect? No, thought not, me neither!
This could be a picture of me trying to write the perfect blog ……….. and no I didn’t turn to alcohol, I decided to think it about in terms of good enough rather than perfect, to trust what I know and feel inside.
What is perfect? Who is defining it and in what context?
Whichever way you look at it it feels like a high bar that we aspire to but never seem to reach. In setting that bar what do we compare ourselves to – some ideal, a perfect vision? The perfect vision seems to be everywhere we look these days, in my youth (and we’re going back a long way now …..) there were the glossy magazines showing perfect women and now there is all sorts of social media where people only show us the ‘perfect’ part of their lives and guess what we, often compare ourselves to that and not to the full and real picture of people’s lives – warts and all!
This striving for perfection can seriously impact our careers. For example, as women when we apply for jobs we feel the need to meet the vast majority of the requirements of the role, whereas research shows us that men will happily apply for a role if they only meet maybe 50%, or less sometimes, of those requirements. Our social conditioning can hold us back here, if we are constantly waiting to be able to tick all those boxes (to be closer to the perfect applicant) we may never apply for that new role but guess who will? Yes, you’ve got it, our male colleague.
So, if we are driving for perfection does this actually thwart our ambition and stop us from pushing ourselves forward? Remember, that job specification is the perfect person for the role and those perfect people don’t exist do they? When you are applying for that job you don’t need to tick all those boxes, maybe you could learn on the job?
Perfectionism is impossible to sustain in even one area. To shoot for it in all aspects of your life is a recipe for failure – and disappointment. Dr. Valerie Young
So how can we let go of this strive for perfectionism?
You might want to try some of these ideas –
- Start to notice when you hear that perfectionism and/or comparison voice in your head
- Focus on what you are good at and what you enjoy
- Remind yourself that you don’t need to compare yourself to everyone else, we are all unique and special in our own way
- Take time to reflect on your strengths and achievements – remember how good you are
- Take a chance – risk getting it wrong, we learn from our failures so go ahead take a brave step, at first it might only be a small one but that’s a step in the right direction
- Start a self-gratitude journal – write something in it everyday to remind yourself of all good things about you
- Enlist supporters – have people to around you who boost you, not drain you
The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. Anna Quindlen, novelist and journalist
If you would like some help with this you know where I am, Lisa
PS – instead of focusing on the writing the perfect blog I try to write blogs that help people!
You can read more of my musings on women and our self-development by clicking here and I’m always happy to chat about the work I do to help more women become senior leaders so do get in touch.