At the end of December and the beginning of January my social media feeds were full of planning for a new year and setting goals for 2020. I started this sort of process early in December and I’m just about done now, I know, it’s taken me a long time hasn’t it!
2019 was a year of transition for me which means planning for the year ahead has been a big journey one in which I’ve needed to slow down to speed up, to take the time to really think things through and work out what was most important to me.
In 2019 I decided it was time to leave part of my work behind and focus on the work I truly love – supporting women. It took me time to come to this decision, it was difficult to stop something I really enjoyed but in the end I knew I needed to focus on what makes me genuinely happy.
The reason I’m sharing this is that often in our busy lives we end up focusing on too many different things and not feeling satisfied with any of it. We feel like we are just surviving and constantly striving for life to be different.
As I reflected on 2019 (using a process recommended to me by my coach) it started as year of constantly striving and then became a transition at the end. This reflection on the last year got me started on reflecting on the whole decade. I suddenly realised it’s been a huge one for me – massive personal and work change – way too much to put in here but suffice to say there was a lot going on and I just kept on ploughing my way through it, a lot of the time feeling exhausted. It’s been huge in terms of my personal growth and development.
Always striving for better
As I’ve continued to reflect and explored this with my coach and my friends, I keep coming back the notion of striving. Some of the decade it was purely survival mode but much of the rest was striving and feels like really hard work. I’ve questioned what I’m striving for – what’s the destination? I think somewhere in my subconscious I’ve imagined it to be some sort of perfect, happy, calm, beautiful world where I’m blissed out all the time …. ok, wake up and get real Lisa …. I know life is never going to be like that but I do think it can feel less like hard work. Now that I’ve realised I’m doing this ‘striving thing’ most of the time I’m learning to stop, that it doesn’t need to be like this.
This world makes us second guess ourselves – am I enough? Could I do better? Everyone else is successful and happy, I should be too. I must try harder…….. if I did I’d be happy and feel content with my life. It’s so confusing and actually, most of the time, we’re just way too busy to think about all this too deeply and do much about it, we push the thoughts away and get through every day the best I can.
Stop, dream, refocus
Therefore, my suggestion to you, now the flurry of new year resolutions and 2020 goals has died down, is to ask yourself how would you like your life to be? You might start your answer with the ideal world version, maybe of happy, calm kids who never fight with each other, relaxing yoga every day, long walks in the country as a family every weekend with no arguments, a great job that is stretching you just enough with wonderful supportive colleagues, working the hours that suit your family etc. Don’t be afraid to articulate that ideal version in full, it’s important to dream big.
Then, take a look at where are you now and where would you like to be. Maybe you are closer to that ideal world that you seek than you thought. Take time to celebrate all the good things you already have and to appreciate them. We so easily slip into negative thinking when we’re busy and stretched.
On the other hand, it could feel like there’s a big gap between the two. If so once you’ve written down that ideal version it’s time to look at the first little steps towards achieving it. What would it take for you to take a small step towards daily yoga for instance? 5 minutes each evening maybe?
Above all else as you do this sort of refocusing exercise apply some self-compassion, give yourself the same care and kindness as you’d give a good friend. What would your best friend say? What words of reassurance and encouragement would they give you? In fact, why don’t you do this with a good friend, put yourselves back up to the to-do list, go off somewhere and have some me time – time to be calm and to reflect.
Enjoy the process of refocusing on what matters to you.
If you would like some help with it please do get in touch.
Lisa x
Photo by Andre Furtado from Pexels